Have you ever been nostalgic of your childhood’s festivities
– aroma of food, infectious mood of joy, color and happiness in every atom of
air? I am sure you do, without any doubt. Who will not love a little culture? After
all isn’t this the culture that brings color in your life? But, stop picturing there,
story is not all that rosy. After all there are many grisly nitty gritties hidden
behind every picture-perfect nostalgic scene. Either it’s a blooming cotton
field in Southern USA – Back breaking slave labor behind it, or perfectly
decorated Victorian home – lots of servants and butlers behind it. You can ask
why I am jumping from talking about culture to American slave or Victorian era
Britain. I will tell you the similarities – each culture is nurtured and
watered by labor of some downtrodden that are chained to pedestal by society by
virtue of necessity of their labor. What is the picture behind a little culture
of our Indian home? Do you remember your mom, your aunt or your grand mom stuck
to kitchen, working like slave from dawn till dusk to sustain the atmosphere of
festivity? Do you remember the villain aunt, who are just the villain because
they want to enjoy festivities for themselves instead of facilitating that? A good
and cultured woman is the one who readily sacrifice her own happiness, her
independence and her life for people around her while the bad one (the villain)
is the one who could dare to think about a little about herself and could care
a little less about the children, husband, parents or in-laws (etc. etc.,). A family where women work day and night to
prepare different delicacies, decorate house and to keep each member happy in
family (and their consolation prize is to see happy faces of family members,
can you be more hypocrite) is the happy family, but the family where mom want
to enjoy along with family by going out to celebrate are the broken families. That’s
the concept of culture. Do you get a little bit of picture here? I am sure, you
don’t. But I would keep trying.
The burden of upholding cultural value always falls on
shoulder of women. The examples are ubiquitous. Either its attire (always
enforced strictly for women), or its food, or its choices, or its festival, all
has to be borne by women. All our rituals are heavily skewed towards male and
largely misogynistic. Take the example of Hindu marriage – ‘Kanyadan’ (the term
itself is so derogatory). Is Kanya (a girl) an object to be given as dan (donation)?
Is there no difference between a Gau (Cow) and Kanya (Girl)? We have concept of
Godan as well as Kanya dan. But saddest thing is that our richest model family (Ambani’s)
blatantly exhibit this heinous concept in their ugly and exuberant wedding
where our own Amitabh Bacchhan extol the merit of Kanyadan. Nothing could make
me more ashamed as a girl to see this ritual being performed devotedly.
Everything associated with Indian Culture is misogynistic to the core. The Mangalsutra
is like putting a chain to girl that now you have enslaved for life. The
dangling bangle and anklet is nothing but bell on a cat to know everywhere she goes.
While the sindoor (Vermillion) indicates that she is property of some one
(after all her parents has donated her as part of Kanyadan). Mind you, there is
no symbolistic gesture or sign on a boy/male that they are married. Could there
be any more glaring example of gender disparity fanned on the name of culture?
But who is going to realize this gross misjustice. You can’t
expect this from a male as who will not enjoy that some one is fasting for you
(Teej, Karwachauth etc etc.), or doing sringar (make-up) for you. Hell, I will
enjoy all these attentions, had I been a guy. This we as a person, as a woman,
need to understand. These things might just be a symbol, but symbols convey a
powerful message. May be kanyadan is a 1-hour act, putting a ounce of sindoor
(Vermillion), a hidden bindi might just be a symbol. But they are symbol of our
oppression, they are the symbol of our weakness. We are weak, and we are dominated
by other half because of those symbols.
But I do not accept that, we are not weak. We are every bit
capable as any person on the earth (given the chance). We need to grab that
chance and first step would be to disown these visible degrading cultural
symbols. Culture are made by human and as infallible we human are, we always
try to build a society where we can one can dominate others. Change is
inevitable way of life on earth. Everything changes, hour, day, years, season,
evolution, every aspects of life is bound change. Then why we need to preserve
any archaic rule of culture. It’s not written on stone. We can make world much better by creating our
own culture. A culture that respects everyone equally, a culture that doesn’t chain
any one by so called extolled virtue, a culture that let you find your own way
without trying to compel you to a certain path at every point in your life.
World will be a much better place for everyone when we could build such
society, such culture. First step must be taken by women like us by disowning
the burden of unfair culture that is placed on us by centuries of civilization.
